Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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