there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
