i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
