This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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