that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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