Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I cut my penus on the lid.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
