Your tits are I can't wait for
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
