Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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