i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
