I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
