Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
