I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
