i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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