I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Mom said you looked used
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize