question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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