can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
