Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
