Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize