I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
