That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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