My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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