Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
