My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
