Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
