Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
