You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
