your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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