she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
