I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
