turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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