I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
