Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
