He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize