$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
