She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
