508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
