she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
