My room smells like vodka and shame
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
