He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
