Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
