i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize