dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's blow job season.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
