Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
