Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
