Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
