When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
