the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
