OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
