you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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