I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
