I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
