omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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