Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I forget how to act sober
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
