You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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