I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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