im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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