Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It was confusing and full of hummus
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
