heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
