hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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