It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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