So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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