I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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