No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize