batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
