ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
