For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
