hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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