it hurts more in the daytime
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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