Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
