I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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