so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I pour the whiskey from now on
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
