This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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