i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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