I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
