I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
