how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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