i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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