My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize