My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
