I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
where does the pee come out of this thing
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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