discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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