she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
