The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
