I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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