Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
