I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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