Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
