i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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