Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
