you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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