This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
