So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize