I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
