During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
