No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
