It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
