He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
