Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
