Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
