some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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